#MyOwnWorstEnemy
I opened this browser to start blogging nearly two hours ago. Instead I sat in Sophia's room and created an amazing 90's playlist on my spotify account. (obvi I was 90's inspired when I titled this post)
aaannnnyyywaay....I wasn't sure between three topics I wanted to write about today so I let uk-bob pick at random. Today we are going to talk about how fucking awkward I am when it comes to relationships. I'm about as smooth as Tina Belcher when I'm around boys I really like.
via GIPHY
When I have no investment whatsoever I'm smooth as fuck. So smooth in fact that I've had to go to court for restraining orders mandated by my work. **to clarify** mandated to protect me from creeps....not stop me from creeping. I blame it on too many years working in customer service.
The problem is when i really like a guy, I cockblock the shit out of myself. Put myself right into the friendzone. Or i just plain freeze up. If I don't use any of these self preservation methods, I end up making a fool of myself. A few years ago I was totally smitten with this boy from my hometown. On new years eve a group of us went to Center City Philadelphia to party. We shared a hotel room with a couple....putting me in the same bed with this boy that made it hard for me to breathe. It was TERRIBLE. I don't think I slept a wink. I remember laying in bed frozen with my arms crossed over my body. My body was so tense that I couldn't even move easily in the morning. Pathetic. Nobody likes rejection, so I think this is just my subconscious protecting me. The few relationships I've allowed myself to get into have been with total shit guys. Absolute garbage. (again i'm assuming an subconsciously intentional move) There was the guy that had the secret pregnant wife in florida. The guy that told me he loved me (and 30 other girls...which i knew but for some reason thought i was different) daily that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Then we have the best friend turned fuck buddy but only in secret. One time I went camping with a guy I had been seeing. When we got to the middle of nowhere in New Jersey I realized the other couple with us wasn't actually a couple. She was the girlfriend of the guy I had been seeing and the other guy was his best friend that he was trying to set me up with. This story is actually amazing and deserves a blog entry all to itself.
A good friend of mine once referred to me as "a chick dude". He said, "you're a chick...but you're one of us dudes. I can talk to you about anything and I don't worry that you overanalyze it or judge me too hard. Kinda like a sister." That's great....but nobody wants to fuck their sister. Those that do, keep it to yourself. I want nothing to do with that.
So here I sit. Single and stagnant. It's fine. I work too much to date anyway. Also single in NYC is kind of amazing. I just wish I weren't such a fucking moron on those rare occasions that I'm around a boy that does give me butterflies. *sigh*
via GIPHY
aaannnnyyywaay....I wasn't sure between three topics I wanted to write about today so I let uk-bob pick at random. Today we are going to talk about how fucking awkward I am when it comes to relationships. I'm about as smooth as Tina Belcher when I'm around boys I really like.
via GIPHY
When I have no investment whatsoever I'm smooth as fuck. So smooth in fact that I've had to go to court for restraining orders mandated by my work. **to clarify** mandated to protect me from creeps....not stop me from creeping. I blame it on too many years working in customer service.
The problem is when i really like a guy, I cockblock the shit out of myself. Put myself right into the friendzone. Or i just plain freeze up. If I don't use any of these self preservation methods, I end up making a fool of myself. A few years ago I was totally smitten with this boy from my hometown. On new years eve a group of us went to Center City Philadelphia to party. We shared a hotel room with a couple....putting me in the same bed with this boy that made it hard for me to breathe. It was TERRIBLE. I don't think I slept a wink. I remember laying in bed frozen with my arms crossed over my body. My body was so tense that I couldn't even move easily in the morning. Pathetic. Nobody likes rejection, so I think this is just my subconscious protecting me. The few relationships I've allowed myself to get into have been with total shit guys. Absolute garbage. (again i'm assuming an subconsciously intentional move) There was the guy that had the secret pregnant wife in florida. The guy that told me he loved me (and 30 other girls...which i knew but for some reason thought i was different) daily that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Then we have the best friend turned fuck buddy but only in secret. One time I went camping with a guy I had been seeing. When we got to the middle of nowhere in New Jersey I realized the other couple with us wasn't actually a couple. She was the girlfriend of the guy I had been seeing and the other guy was his best friend that he was trying to set me up with. This story is actually amazing and deserves a blog entry all to itself.
A good friend of mine once referred to me as "a chick dude". He said, "you're a chick...but you're one of us dudes. I can talk to you about anything and I don't worry that you overanalyze it or judge me too hard. Kinda like a sister." That's great....but nobody wants to fuck their sister. Those that do, keep it to yourself. I want nothing to do with that.
So here I sit. Single and stagnant. It's fine. I work too much to date anyway. Also single in NYC is kind of amazing. I just wish I weren't such a fucking moron on those rare occasions that I'm around a boy that does give me butterflies. *sigh*
via GIPHY
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